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I would help you if I could,I know your struggle,I have a seven year old autistic daughter...I can not even imagine having two...I often find people who want apologize for sam's autisim,I simply tell them I would not change samantha for the world...Although I wish she did not have to face so many challenges I know samantha is destined for great things...As are your two angels...Sam was a gift from god not a mistake,he made her unique in order to teach me patience and also be thankful for all the abilities I am lucky to have that she and others will never know...In time her amazing talents and gifts most who are autistic are given in order to make up for all the things that make life hard will be revealed and she will be a wingless angel sent down to walk amongst us and I will be proud I am her mother...You have a friend in me...E-mail me anytime you feel like the world is on your shoulders...Love,sunshine

I am you,you are not alone even when you feel like you are...I too left my four children to an abusive man...He said if I ever left him he would take everything I loved...He was true to his word but had I stayed he would have taken my life and left my children destroyed in more ways than my abcense has destroyed them...I took abuse that nobody should endure and only to find my emotionally abusive mother was in our bed...You are a strong woman those who want to judge you could never understand but you know what the only people you owe anything to is you and your children...My kids know and he thinks it is me he is punishing,oblivious to the fact that he left children with no mother yet he says he loves them...Be strong and know that each night perhaps at the very same moment I lay in the quiet dark of night and silently pray for my babies that were the only things in my life that gave me reason to keep breathing...I will only ever be complete with there return...Untill then I keep journals for them to read of how much I loved them and what they meant to me when growing up they felt abbandoned and unloved...I cannot get the memory of that night I left them from my mind,Had I known then that so much time would pass I would have said more,held them longer,and deeply held in their sweet scent so as to keep with me for as long as possible...Contact me anytime day or night,you have a new friend...Love,sunshine

Thank you so much for your support...I thought I was in so much need untill I read about those trying to pay rent for there children's security of a home...I am not sure what I expected to accomplish by coming to this sight...If somebody helps me great...If all I get in the end is opinions as to the dream I have that's also great...Do I have a good idea?Please let me know...You also have a new friend,my whole goal is to fill my life as full as possible with good people...Write back whenever you want to chat...Thank you,sunshine

I also like to do things for others...It was almost five years ago that I sat alone with four children at only twenty seven years old...I had been in a five year relationship with a very violent man who destroyed me in so many ways...I have my entire life been the one who wanted to fix people,some how losing myself in the process...I remember the very last time he beat me and I was so tired I thought please kill me because I can not do this another day...I lived to get away and I never went back...It cost me my children,but how was I any good to them if I was dying inside?And doesn't loving your children mean loving them more than yourself?I realized that by holding onto them because I didn't want to leave them would in time leave them with a mother emotionally gone and physically present...The whole point to all of this is as I sat on my couch and tried to figure out what to do I remember a good friend of mine asking "so,what do you like to do?What are you good at?I had no answer for that...I had since only a child tried to make a mother love me that never would...I had been a mother,a sister,a daughter and a wife and had never been sunshine...I made sure everybody else was okay but in the end none of those people were there when I had needed them...I began a journey to realize my potential and find what I was good at and for awhile it meant being selfish in order to be happy...You will only ever be a good mom and be happy if you search deep within and find your smile instead of being everybody else's smile...If you need to talk hit me back I will try all I can to make you smile...much love,sunshine

I wish I had the answers for you...I myself spent a little over a year and a half homeless...Many nights I thought of ways to kill myself,but was too afraid to see any of them through...I wish desperately I could help you or say it is going to be all right but only you know where you are at in life...When a person says it is going to be okay you feel like if only we could trade places because if you knew for certain it would turn out okay in the end it would not look so bleak and formless in your future...Stay strong and pray...I will think of you tonight and hope that you find what you are looking for...Sincerely,Sunshine

I really do understand where you are at...I myself am here asking for help so as you can imagine I am in no position to help you...The only advice I can give you is to do your best and always be a good person and I am confident good things will come your way...I know what it is like to feel ashamed to ask for help even though you really need the assistance for a very valid reason...Hold your head high everybody goes through tough financial times,I really do hope you get the help you need,even more than myself...Goodluck,sunshine

To anybody out there who is willing to help or direct in the right direction...My name is sunshine I am 32 years old and I have a dream I would give anything in thw world to make possible...I am a recovering addict who has battled an addiction that has taken me more than sixteen years to conquor...For several months now I have been clean and in fact just began working with troubled teens in the hope that I can save them from what I have been through...Just eighteen months ago I was living in a tent and had been for a year and a half,I honestly saw no way out...I would do anything to get out of my situation so when two friends of mine offered me a plane ticket out of california to oklahoma and the begining of a new life I jumped at the offer...I mistakenly believed that moving would prevent me from using,but unless you are ready to change you will find it where ever you go...I continued using untill one day I looked in the mirror and knew I was dying,to be honest with you I had reached the point that if I could not get clean I would rather be dead...Knowing only I could change my life I began going to meetings,attending church and looking for ways to use my addiction in any way I could find to change peoples lives,believing that if I made a deference even in  a single life to me it had all been worth it...I got involved with switch for teens,as teen leaders we guide young people away from where we had eventually ended up through our stories...I knew that at there age if anybody would have come along and helped me I maybe would have had more chances in life...I look into these children's eyes and I see in there reflection the spark for life I once had and lost I never want them to stop dreaming...I tell them never let anybody tell you that you can not do something...To me sheer will power can make anything happen...Here is where my dreams come into play,even though I lost myself in my addiction I never gave up my passion for writing and expressing myself through art in all its forms...I know that knowledge is power and no matter what age you never stop learning and it is never too late to try or do anything that drives you...What I wish to do is go to photography school,pictures say a thousand words without voice...They are memories captured on film...I want to write a book a series of books about peoples lives and accompany their photographs in order to humanize them in ways society does not...One book will be the faces of addiction,people from all walks of life who turned their life around and have a story to tell that teaches us that addiction does not discriminate...A book about the faces of autism,my daughter samantha age seven suffers from autism and she is a gift I would never want any different she is special and we feel blessed by being given her...A book about homeless teenagers,people have so many view points and place judgement where they could never know untill they themselves were there...A book about paranoid schizophrenics and other mental illness I was raised by a mother who has been slowly killing herself my entire life...I do not care about the money in fact part ofthe procedes of each book will go to a cause...The profit of autism would in part go to the CAN foundation and other foundations that fight to find out why this happens to certain children with no clear reason...My book on addiction would go to help other recovering addicts like myself make one of there dreams come true...My book of mental illness would go to mental health facilities to do with as they wish...My books and photos would help me fullfill my purpose I believe I was put here for,and help other people who do not often understand due to lack of compassion or having never been in there shoes have no way of comprehending...Honestly I would not take any of my life back because it all lead to who I have become addiction and all and though I hate my choices I like who I am...Some of the most successful and wealthy of people in the end really have nothing because what is money when inside you are a selfish and hateful person because status made you feel better than other people less fortunate...In time possesions mean nothing it is the legacy left behind when your life here is over that is the most important thing ever,I want leave this earth knowing I never stopped fighting to make beauty from a life so ugly...If anybody out there would be willing to help me with school or anything I promise that I would devote my life to a passion I could not make possible alone...They would be changing my life in a very powerful way and I would repay them ten fold...Thank you for just taking the time to read this...May you fullfill your purpose in any way possible...Sincerely,sunshine weatherby